Christening Gifts: Who Gives What, Without Doubling Up

This piece is a map of the whole section. The chapters below are detailed guides to each type of gift — here you'll find out which one belongs to whom and how to put them together so they don't overlap.

For most families, a few months pass between the maternity ward and the christening. By then the family has a wardrobe full of onesies in three sizes at once and a pile of soft toys, of which the baby will love exactly one. A christening is aimed elsewhere: it's a service at which the child is named before the community and two adults take on a role they will play for years. The gift matches that — it carries a name and a date, and it's meant to last.

Practical things aren't banned, they just move from the main gift to the small gift from guests. The difference is simple: in ten years you can pick up the main gift and show it to someone, while a consumable gift will by then have been eaten, crawled through or outgrown. What families usually receive right after the birth is covered in the article on gifts for a newborn — whatever is ticked off there, don't buy again for the christening.

With keepsakes, one thing decides: whether there's something in them you can only get right now. An engraving with the date of the service, a hand print at a size the child will never be again, a photographer for half an hour outside the church, or a book in which the child is the hero, with 12 illustrated spreads bearing their name. A generic gift from a department store has none of that and could be swapped for anything else.

Read the table as a split of roles, not a shopping list. Once you've shared out the roles in advance, the rest of the choosing won't produce duplicates.

Being a godparent isn't something you buy with a gift, but it is the one role where a gift is expected almost automatically. The role itself does have rules: in Catholic practice, for example, a godparent must be baptised and confirmed, at least sixteen years old, not the child's father or mother, and living by the faith they are meant to help pass on. There are no rules about the gift — but what suits follows from that very role.

It's also worth knowing what being a godparent is not: it's a relationship and a church role, not a plan for who would look after the child if the parents couldn't. That is a separate matter for the parents to arrange. A godparent is a person in the child's life, not a safety net — and the gift reflects that.

The liturgical part. In many churches the godparent carries the christening candle, lit during the service from the Easter candle, and the white christening gown. Both are custom, not obligation: in some places the parents provide them, in others the church does. One question to the minister or the parents settles it in advance and saves a second candle.

The lasting part. Engraved jewellery (a cross, a locket, a bracelet), a watch kept until adulthood, money put into an account the parents manage, or a keepsake with the child's name. With jewellery, it pays to engrave the back with the date of the christening, not just an initial, and to expect that the child will wear it many years later. Which metal to choose and what fits on a small surface is covered in jewellery with a name and date.

With grandparents, two different things most often get mixed up, and it's worth keeping them apart. The first is a gift the child has in their hands straight away — a keepsake the parents photograph and put away. The second is a gift the child will only see as an adult: savings set up by the parents, jewellery or a watch tucked away in a box.

A gift for adulthood has one condition that people forget: someone has to find it and know what it is. A savings account with no paperwork in the parents' files, and a box with no explanation of who it's from and why, will in twenty years either get lost or mean nothing to anyone. That's why a gift like this needs a written letter — when it was made, for what occasion and what the giver wished at that moment. How to write it and where to keep it is in the article a letter to the future and a time capsule.

One last thing grandparents often wonder about: big gifts such as a pram, a cot or a car seat. They don't suit a christening, not because of etiquette but because the parents usually have one already or are choosing based on things the giver doesn't know about. Here asking first is a must, even if the gift loses its surprise.

A guest has the smallest role and also the smallest risk of missing the mark — as long as they stick to things that don't pile up into duplicates nobody can use.

Coordinating sounds like a needless formality — until three lockets with the same date land on the table. It takes one message.

The card decides whether a gift is just a thing or a keepsake. The wording below is ready to copy — just add the name and date.

The most common mistakes aren't expensive, just pointless — and all three can be caught with one question in advance.

Jewellery the baby is meant to wear straight away. A necklace for a baby belongs in a box, not around the neck: loose cords, chains and beads on a sleeping or crawling baby mean a risk of strangling and choking, and the parents will take them off anyway. The engraved date loses nothing; the handover simply moves to a time when the child understands it.

Clothes in the current size. The guests' most common gift, and the item most likely to end up, tag still on, in the bag for exchanges. A size ahead costs the same and actually gets worn.

A religious item without asking. For a family that sees the christening mainly as a family celebration, a picture of a saint or a rosary misses the mark; for a churchgoing family it's welcome, but that's exactly where three identical ones turn up. Asking isn't tactless — guessing is.

And one last thing that doesn't look like a mistake: a gift bought at the last minute only because “you have to bring something”. The date of a christening is often set around when the church is free and can come round in just a few days. Even so, you can still manage a gift with the child's name — a made-to-measure digital book is usually ready within 15, so it can be made the day before the service, and in families where one child already has a book, it works as the next in the series. Any of these beats a fourth soft toy.